Hlaudi Motsoeneng is only an actor (from 2014)

When the SABC said ‘act­ing chief’, it meant …

Business Day, 

An­thony But­ler

 

THE furore sur­round­ing South African Broad­cast­ing Cor­po­ra­tion ( SABC) chief op­er­at­ing of­fi­cer Hlaudi Mot­soe­neng took an un­ex­pected turn this week. At a me­dia brief­ing at the SABC’s Auck­land Park head­quar­ters, a spokesman for the cor­po­ra­tion re­vealed that the ap­point­ment of Mot­soe­neng as “act­ing” chief op­er­at­ing of­fi­cer in 2011 had re­sulted in a great deal of un­nec­es­sary pub­lic con­fu­sion.

 

“Mot­soe­neng is not a real per­son,” the spokesman ex­plained. “He is just an ac­tor — the lead in a pi­lot soap opera launched by SABC in 2011”.

 

Me­dia stud­ies schol­ars yes­ter­day con­firmed that the cor­po­ra­tion’s claims are cred­i­ble. “The character ex­hibits all the hall­marks of a soapie lead,” one widely re­spected source told re­porters. “He over­acts and gets in­volved in im­plau­si­ble moral con­flicts.”

 

One early episode de­picts the character launch­ing a surreal cam­paign for 70% of all news sto­ries to be pos­i­tive. “When you deal with pos­i­tive sto­ries,” the Mot­soe­neng character is made to say, “you are build­ing a na­tion. You are build­ing the fu­ture of the kids.”

 

As the sea­son un­folds, script writ­ers place their hero in com­i­cal sit­u­a­tions that could not pos­si­bly arise in the real world. In one far­ci­cal in­stal­ment, a character called “Quee­nie” Madon­sela rec­om­mends dis­ci­plinary ac­tion against Mot­soe­neng for fal­si­fied ma­tric qual­i­fi­ca­tions. In another, Mot­soe­neng gives him­self three pay rises in a year un­til his salary im­plau­si­bly tops R2.87m — more than a real state pres­i­dent earns.

 

On one oc­ca­sion, Mot­soe­neng holds a me­dia brief­ing in re­sponse to a skills au­dit by PwC show­ing that SABC man­agers lack “strate­gic think­ing skills”. The character ex­plains that PwC did not use “real tests” and that it is fine for an SABC fi­nance ad­min­is­tra­tor to pos­sess only a diploma in beauty ther­apy.

 

Per­haps the sil­li­est in­stal­ment of all in­volves a sup­posed “Venda king”, Toni Mphe­phu Ram­ab­u­lana, who ex­presses out­rage when the Mot­soe­neng per­sona is given a gift of a cow, a calf and a wife, while on a visit to the fic­tional town of Tho­hoyan­dou.

Me­dia an­a­lysts ob­serve that this plot­line al­lowed cre­ative direc­tors to put 10 bare-breasted young women on screen at one time, some­thing that would not oth­er­wise have been per­mit­ted un­der the SABC’s strict code of con­duct.

Me­dia pro­fes­sion­als have slammed the gen­eral pub­lic for its credulity when it comes to the “SABC” por­trayed in the se­ries. In one surreal episode, the ac­tor de­pict­ing SABC board chair “Ellen Zandile Tsha­bal­ala” tells fel­low board mem­bers that their phones are be­ing tapped by na­tional in­tel­li­gence, and that they had bet­ter stay loyal to the rul­ing party. “No pub­lic broad­caster in a real democ­racy would bar op­po­si­tion ad­ver­tise­ments in the run-up to an elec­tion,” a critic added. “And no ed­i­tor could cover up a crowd boo­ing the state pres­i­dent at a na­tional icon’s memo­rial ser­vice.”

 

 

Why did the SABC keep the pub­lic in the dark for so long about Mot­soe­neng’s fic­tional sta­tus?

 

“We got con­fused,” one in­sider ex­plained. “Menzi Ngubane (who has played ruth­less busi­ness­man Sibu­siso Dlomo in the trou­bled Gen­er­a­tions soapie) be­came deputy state pres­i­dent. We lost track of the dif­fer­ence be­tween truth and fic­tion.”

 

In or­der to com­pete, SABC’s ri­vals such as ANN7 and In­de­pen­dent Me­dia have had to in­tro­duce their own blends of fact and fic­tion. But re­cent “fac­tional” cre­ations, such as “busi­ness­man” Iqbal Survé and “talk show host” Jimmy Manyi, have so far at­tracted few pub­lic ad­mir­ers.

 

In Auck­land Park, mean­while, a new soapie called “Min­ing House” is mov­ing to­wards pro­duc­tion.

 

It de­picts sex, vi­o­lence and moral am­bi­gu­ity in the mines. It will fea­ture heart-throb ac­tors, such as Bobby God­sell and for­mer trade union leader Zwelinz­ima Vavi, play­ing them­selves as the dra­matic strug­gle be­tween cap­i­tal and labour un­folds.

 

“We have con­cep­tu­alised it as an his­toric docu­d­rama,” an SABC cre­ative con­sul­tant ex­plained.

 

“It will help our chil­dren to un­der­stand what the coun­try was like be­fore all the re­sources com­pa­nies moved over­seas.”

 

Butler teaches politics at UCT

Ghosts in politics and the state (from 2014)

Business Day

Ghosts are feeding on SA’s living taxpayers …

BY ANTHONY BUTLER, 22 AUGUST 2014

EVERY society and civilisation, across the entire span of human history, has believed in supernatural entities that must be pacified by the living. Only in South Africa, however, are they subsidised by taxpayers.

First, spectres drift through the membership systems of the African National Congress (ANC). A task team appointed by the ANC to investigate departures from candidate list guidelines in 2010 concluded that ghost members were actively nominating candidates at branch meetings. In some provinces, whole “phantom branches” were uncovered.

In the run-up to the ANC’s Mangaung conference, wraiths and ghouls multiplied mysteriously in KwaZulu-Natal, where they were believed to have been summoned up by supporters of then ANC provincial chairman Dr Zweli Mkhize. (Note to subeditor: please check qualifications.) It is widely believed that such malign spirits can be pacified only by means of a ritual feeding of government tenders.

In provinces such as the Eastern Cape and North West, by contrast, ANC high priest Gwede Mantashe proclaimed that local phantoms had been raised up by a sinister “force for change”. Such a demonic spirit, he argued, should refrain from tormenting the inhabitants of the material world.

Earlier this year, Mantashe was reported to have summoned up “spooks” from the crypt at Luthuli House. Their task was to screen the ranks of aspirant ANC MPs to ensure that “representatives of the undead” would not be elevated to the National Assembly. A visual inspection of the ranks of ANC MPs suggests that this project has not been entirely successful.

Second, a plague of ghosts has descended on the South African Social Security Agency (Sassa). So serious has this become that the agency has been forced to initiate biometric finger scanning and voice recognition systems to separate corporeal grant beneficiaries from their ghostly companions. Sassa Eastern Cape spokesman Luzuko Qina explained that the province was piloting verification methods to make sure that grants are not paid to a “ghost”. All of the province’s 3.6-million social grant recipients will soon be asked if they are actually alive.

Third, an initiative to drive out malign spirits has been launched this week by Higher Education Minister Dr Blade Nzimande. (Note to subeditor: please check whether sociology really counts.) According to the minister, the country has been overrun by “imposters”. Observing that many ostensible “doctors” and “masters” did not in fact

exist at all, he urged employers in the public and private sector to report suspected cases to the police.

Fourth, it was alleged this week at the Port Elizabeth Commercial Crimes Court that Portia “Pankie” Sizani, wife of ANC chief whip Stone Sizani, defrauded the Department of Education of more than R1.2m in 2009 and 2010, while she was working as an early childhood development co-ordinator in Port Elizabeth. She allegedly summoned up “ghost teachers” in the Nelson Mandela Bay area, and these apparitions were allegedly paid salaries despite never materialising as teachers in their host schools.

Such troubling allegations may be merely the tip of an iceberg.

Financial and Fiscal Commission acting chairman and CEO Bongani Khumalo recently announced that the commission is partnering the Public Service Commission to investigate claims that most of the country’s 1.3-million public servants cannot be proven to exist. This would help to explain why outcomes have been so poor in the health, education and social development sectors, despite an annual R450bn wage bill. Similar studies are being conducted by the Presidential Public Service Remuneration Review Commission and by the Independent Commission for the Remuneration of Public Office Bearers.

Rumours have been circulating in Pretoria, however, that these commissions themselves may be entirely nebulous. “We are unable to confirm or deny their existence,” a government spokesman told reporters this week. “It is believed that all of their actual work is undertaken by a small group of external consultants.”

Butler teaches politics at UCT

Topless dancing in SA public policy (from 2013)

Proud legacy of top­less dancers and theme parks

An­thony But­ler

Business Day, 30 August, 2013

 

THE of­fi­cial Zim­bab­wean news agency, New Ziana, re­ported this week that Zimbabwe is plan­ning to con­struct a “Dis­ney­land in Africa” close to Vic­to­ria Falls. The $300m de­vel­op­ment will boast ho­tels and con­ven­tion cen­tres, casi­nos, shop­ping malls and banks.

Some lo­cal scep­tics doubt the plan can be fi­nanced. Oth­ers point to Tourism Min­is­ter Wal­ter Mzembi’s de­scrip­tion of “a free zone” where “peo­ple who do not nec­es­sar­ily live in Zimbabwe can open bank ac­counts”. Such a con­cept, they ob­serve, will at­tract money laun­der­ers rather than for­eign tourists.

But South Africans would be wrong to pour scorn on the pro­posed de­vel­op­ment. Its in­spi­ra­tion, af­ter all, comes from Zimbabwe’s south­ern neigh­bour.

In the be­gin­ning, there was Sun City. We tend to for­get that the park, opened by ho­tel mag­nate Sol Kerzner in 1979, got off to a rocky start. El­ton John, Julio Igle­sias, and Cliff Richard, for ex­am­ple, were in­ad­ver­tently al­lowed to per­form in the Sun City Su­per­bowl to live hu­man au­di­ences. Nev­er­the­less, the re­sort even­tu­ally be­came cel­e­brated for its croc­o­dile-in­fested golf course (de­signed by Gary Player) and for its top­less danc­ing, an ac­tiv­ity that was il­le­gal in SA un­til the African National Congress un­clipped, and threw aside, the con­strain­ing bra of moral­is­tic apartheid-era leg­is­la­tion. South African en­trepreneurs also in­vented the “African cul­tural vil­lage”. In­spired by colo­nial an­thro­pol­o­gists, th­ese theme parks have be­come fa­mous for leopard-skin out­fits and mul­ti­coloured beads. They in­cor­po­rate the “top­less woman” con­cept to which the coun­try’s tourism lead­ers are so de­voted.

Os­ten­si­ble cul­tural her­itage also lies at the cen­tre of the Ora­nia theme park in the North­ern Cape. In re­cent years, this com­mu­nity has de­vel­oped a healthy tourist in­dus­try and now boasts a lux­ury river spa, a bou­tique ho­tel com­plex, and dozens of guest houses. Vis­i­tors are ap­par­ently at­tracted by its re­al­i­sa­tion of the con­cept of eth­nic “self-re­liance”— by the un­usual spec­ta­cle of white peo­ple ac­tu­ally do­ing work.

In the posh sub­urb of Sax­on­wold in Jo­han­nes­burg, an In­dia-themed fan­tasy park called Gupta World has re­cently been con­structed. The park boasts its own 24-hour news chan­nel, African News Net­work 7. Cit­i­zens will be aware that hi­lar­i­ous high­lights from this chan­nel, re­moved from YouTube, can re­gret­tably still be ac­cessed on the ne­far­i­ous live­leaks.com site.

Dain­fern theme park near Sand­ton has pi­o­neered the idea of a “per­ma­nent hol­i­day” from so­ci­ety. Rather than pass­ing two crowded weeks in a re­sort, va­ca­tion­ers stay for the rest of their lives. Shop­ping, ed­u­ca­tional, and leisure fa­cil­i­ties are all on hand, in­clud­ing the oblig­a­tory golf course by Gary Player.

Now the Ekurhu­leni Metropoli­tan Mu­nic­i­pal­ity has an­nounced its in­ten­tion of cre­at­ing a theme park for the 21st cen­tury. Rather than hav­ing to travel from an air­port to a re­sort, tourists will be en­cour­aged to stay in an “aerotropo­lis” im­me­di­ately around OR Tambo In­ter­na­tional Air­port.

The aerotropo­lis will bring to­gether such lux­ury Kemp­ton Park brands as South African Air­ways (SAA) and Air­ports Com­pany SA. Ac­cord­ing to top con­sul­tants pro­mot­ing the con­cept, air­ports at­tract “time-sen­si­tive” busi­nesses, lo­gis­tics and telecom­mu­ni­ca­tions en­ter­prises, ho­tels, retailers, whole­salers, and en­ter­tain­ment com­plexes. The megade­vel­op­ment will al­low tourists and busi­ness trav­ellers to work, shop, sleep, and be en­ter­tained, with­out ever los­ing sight of the ma­jes­tic ter­mi­nal build­ings.

Short-sighted crit­ics com­plain that the aerotropo­lis no­tion is be­com­ing re­dun­dant in an era of en­vi­ron­men­tal chal­lenges and high fuel prices. Few goods and ser­vices, they claim, are gen­uinely time­sen­si­tive, and most South African man­u­fac­tures are too heavy or bulky to travel by air.

Con­sul­tants, how­ever, are be­lieved to have in­cor­po­rated a Gary Player de­signed Pitch-and-Putt course (nine holes only) into the aerotropo­lis plans. In ad­di­tion, they in­tend to draw upon the hu­man cap­i­tal re­sources al­ready in Kemp­ton Park: sex work­ers, drug smug­glers, lug­gage pil­fer­ers, hu­man traf­fick­ers and SAA cus­tomer-ser­vice man­agers. There will also, most prob­a­bly, be top­less dancers.

But­ler teaches pol­i­tics at the Univer­sity of Cape Town.

Ramaphosa’s return at Mangaung

Ramaphosa en­gi­neered his own come­back

Business Day, 8 Mar 2013

An­thony But­ler

IT IS now more than 16 years since Nel­son Man­dela told the na­tion that Cyril Ramaphosa would be leav­ing Par­lia­ment. The would-be pres­i­dent’s po­lit­i­cal prospects seemed to di­min­ish with ev­ery elec­tion cy­cle there­after. For this rea­son, Ramaphosa’s elec­tion as deputy pres­i­dent of the African Na­tional Congress (ANC) at its na­tional con­fer­ence in Man­gaung has some­times been greeted as “op­por­tunis­tic”.

Ramaphosa’s ad­dress to 500 con­gre­gants at the Pen­te­costal Ho­li­ness Church in Rusten­burg last week­end is a re­minder that we should not take neg­a­tive prog­noses for Ramaphosa’s po­lit­i­cal fu­ture at face value. “We as Chris­tians”, he some­what im­plau­si­bly be­gan, “need to be­come the mo­ral con­science of our coun­try”.

Ramaphosa’s ad­dress to 500 con­gre­gants at the Pen­te­costal Ho­li­ness Church in Rusten­burg last week­end is a re­minder that we should not take neg­a­tive prog­noses for Ramaphosa’s po­lit­i­cal fu­ture at face value. “We as Chris­tians”, he some­what im­plau­si­bly be­gan, “need to be­come the mo­ral con­science of our coun­try”.

Ramaphosa even gave a plug for the Na­tional Devel­op­ment Plan, en­cour­ag­ing the con­gre­ga­tion to read it and to as­sist in its im­ple­men­ta­tion.

Such a bravura per­for­mance, de­liv­ered with a straight face, is a re­minder that Ramaphosa is a mul­ti­fac­eted cam­paigner with the flair to cul­ti­vate di­verse con­stituen­cies.

He can talk to busi­ness, labour, the churches and the ur­ban youth. Like Pres­i­dent Ja­cob Zuma, but un­like al­most all of his peers, he can even cam­paign suc­cess­fully in deep ru­ral ar­eas.

He can talk to busi­ness, labour, the churches and the ur­ban youth. Like Pres­i­dent Ja­cob Zuma, but un­like al­most all of his peers, he can even cam­paign suc­cess­fully in deep ru­ral ar­eas.

There are four rea­sons to be­lieve that Ramaphosa’s re­turn was the prod­uct of his own ac­tions. First, he learnt from his rout­ing by Thabo Mbeki that he needed to em­brace ANC con­ven­tions in or­der to suc­ceed. Since 1996, he has con­sis­tently de­nied any lead­er­ship am­bi­tions. A one­time out­sider in an ex­ile-dom­i­nated lead­er­ship he has slowly trans­formed him­self into an in­sider.

Sec­ond, his po­lit­i­cal re­birth did not be­gin at Man­gaung but at Polok­wane. When Mbeki’s at­tempt to se­cure the life pres­i­dency of the ANC was de­feated, Ramaphosa im­me­di­ately se­cured chair­man­ship of the na­tional dis­ci­plinary com­mit­tee of ap­peals.

Sec­ond, his po­lit­i­cal re­birth did not be­gin at Man­gaung but at Polok­wane. When Mbeki’s at­tempt to se­cure the life pres­i­dency of the ANC was de­feated, Ramaphosa im­me­di­ately se­cured chair­man­ship of the na­tional dis­ci­plinary com­mit­tee of ap­peals.

Third, when Zuma be­came state pres­i­dent in May 2009, Ramaphosa’s de­ci­sion not to be­come a min­is­ter was well judged (as the tra­vails of Hu­man Set­tle­ments Min­is­ter Tokyo Sexwale have demon­strated) and not a sign of marginal­i­sa­tion.

Ramaphosa in­stead agreed in 2010 to be­come deputy chair­man of the re­cently es­tab­lished Na­tional Plan­ning Com­mis­sion, which of­fered him an al­most per­fect van­tage point from which to ob­serve the many in­ter­re­lated chal­lenges con­fronting SA — and so to pre­pare for a role in the government. It could also al­low for his man­aged en­try into a min­istry in the Pres­i­dency if cir­cum­stances dic­tate a need for this.

Ramaphosa in­stead agreed in 2010 to be­come deputy chair­man of the re­cently es­tab­lished Na­tional Plan­ning Com­mis­sion, which of­fered him an al­most per­fect van­tage point from which to ob­serve the many in­ter­re­lated chal­lenges con­fronting SA — and so to pre­pare for a role in the government. It could also al­low for his man­aged en­try into a min­istry in the Pres­i­dency if cir­cum­stances dic­tate a need for this.

Fourth, Ramaphosa’s ac­tions sug­gested he took a Zuma sec­ond term for granted, or con­sid­ered the cost of de­feat­ing him too great for the ANC to bear. Rather than build­ing un­easy al­liances with his Gaut­eng con­tem­po­raries, Sexwale and Mathews Phosa, he sup­ported a sec­ond term for Zuma, but also for his own pro­tege, Gwede Man­tashe.

Malema’s sec­ond show trial was presided over by Ramaphosa. Zuma’s bat­tle for trade union sup­port was won only when the Na­tional Union of Minework­ers, the union Ramaphosa cre­ated in the early 1980s, ral­lied be­hind Zuma.

Busi­ness success proved to be an as­set rather than the hand­i­cap many of Ramaphosa’s en­e­mies pre­dicted. His con­sis­tent sup­port for black eco­nomic em­pow­er­ment was po­lit­i­cally pro­duc­tive. And his for­tune, es­ti­mated at $675m by Forbes mag­a­zine last year, brought au­ton­omy from money bro­kers.

Busi­ness success proved to be an as­set rather than the hand­i­cap many of Ramaphosa’s en­e­mies pre­dicted. His con­sis­tent sup­port for black eco­nomic em­pow­er­ment was po­lit­i­cally pro­duc­tive. And his for­tune, es­ti­mated at $675m by Forbes mag­a­zine last year, brought au­ton­omy from money bro­kers.

Zuma has needed above all to re­store con­fi­dence among busi­ness­peo­ple and in­vestors. He al­most begged Tito Mboweni to re­turn to pol­i­tics; but to have Ramaphosa on his ticket was the ul­ti­mate prize.

Ramaphosa’s plan­ning and tac­ti­cal aware­ness en­sured he was on pro­vi­sional Zuma-camp slates in 2011. When nominations for­mally opened in Novem­ber last year, a deep reser­voir of per­sonal cred­i­bil­ity was also re­vealed. Ramaphosa needed some luck to re­turn from the po­lit­i­cal grave. But he has, through his own ac­tions, be­come the last man stand­ing from the gen­er­a­tion that falls be­tween Zuma and Mbeki and young chal­lengers from the prov­inces, such as Zweli Mkhize and Paul Mashatile.

Ramaphosa’s plan­ning and tac­ti­cal aware­ness en­sured he was on pro­vi­sional Zuma-camp slates in 2011. When nominations for­mally opened in Novem­ber last year, a deep reser­voir of per­sonal cred­i­bil­ity was also re­vealed. Ramaphosa needed some luck to re­turn from the po­lit­i­cal grave. But he has, through his own ac­tions, be­come the last man stand­ing from the gen­er­a­tion that falls be­tween Zuma and Mbeki and young chal­lengers from the prov­inces, such as Zweli Mkhize and Paul Mashatile.

But­ler teaches pol­i­tics at the Univer­sity of Cape Town.

Ramaphosa in the Mangaung run-up (from 2012)

Much hangs on Ramaphosa’s next step

Mail and Guardian

Mandela had already passed over Ramaphosa for the deputy presidency and his rival, Thabo Mbeki, would become president of the ANC the following year. The former

miners’ leader accepted the advice of Mandela’s one-time physician, Dr Nthato Motlana, that he was young enough to take a decade out from frontline politics.

Eighteen years have passed and Ramaphosa has apparently returned: older, perhaps wiser and certainly far richer than the late Motlana could ever have imagined.

Some time near the start of this year, Ramaphosa’s name began circulating in ANC circles in Limpopo and KwaZulu-Natal as a potential candidate for the movement’s deputy presidency.
The position is likely to be contested, along with other senior ANC offices, at the party’s Mangaung conference in December.

Ramaphosa has not commented on speculation about his political intentions. He has appeared deeply preoccupied with the expansion of Shanduka Group, his private investment vehicle that has, in recent times, secured control of Lonmin’s black empowerment partner, joined global giant Glencore in a significant coal sector venture and amassed more than R2-billion from the sale of a stake in metals group Assore.

It was not until the nominations process formally opened last month that unexpected support for a Ramaphosa candidacy was revealed beyond KwaZulu-Natal and Limpopo – in the Eastern Cape, Free State and Mpumalanga. Ramaphosa has been nominated on a pro-Jacob Zuma slate that typically includes Gwede Mantashe as secretary general, Baleka Mbete as chairperson and KwaZulu-Natal premier Zweli Mkhize as treasurer general.

Zuma and Ramaphosa

Ramaphosa’s nominations are evidently loosely co-ordinated. They conceivably flow out of the Zuma camp’s frustration about Deputy President Kgalema Motlanthe’s inscrutable lack of campaigning for the ANC presidency. By proposing Ramaphosa as an alternative deputy, the president’s campaign managers may be hoping to force Motlanthe’s hand.

But it is equally possible that Ramaphosa’s rise has been planned over a longer period. Two years ago, he accepted the position of deputy chairperson of the national planning commission, which has offered him a window to the key challenges facing the government.

Little is known about the personal chemistry between Zuma and Ramaphosa, other than that they worked together constructively in the secretary general’s office and in the constitutional negotiations of the early 1990s.

The support of the National Union of Mineworkers (NUM) has already proved important in neutralising potential opposition in Cosatu to a Zuma second term. The support of the former miners’ leader would significantly enhance the credibility of Zuma’s campaign.

Personal networks

Ramaphosa brings a close understanding of the needs of established and black business and, through his involvement with companies such as MTN, he has unparalleled personal networks in Europe, Africa and East Asia. His arrival would probably cement the authority of the finance minister, while reversing some of the recent deterioration in investor sentiment.

His inclusion on the ticket may also have guaranteed the loyalty of his one-time protégé, ANC secretary general Gwede Mantashe, whose desertion would be the most prized catch for the anything-but-Zuma campaign.

The attractions for Ramaphosa of such a direct route to high office are obvious. Even after a properly dignified handover, he could emerge as deputy state president early in 2014 – and without having to fight off peers such as Tokyo Sexwale and Mathews Phosa. When Zuma presumably steps down as ANC president in 2017, Ramaphosa would still be only 65 and he would be a well-placed challenger for the succession.

It is less immediately clear what South Africa would get out of the deal, other than another term for the arguably feckless Zuma. One possible answer is social stability. As a result of Zuma’s unshakeable support in KwaZulu-Natal, he will either win, or lose narrowly, at Mangaung. If the result is close and procedurally contested, it could produce an unprecedented ethnic polarisation that might destroy the ANC. The anything-but-Zuma campaign has some good arguments on its side – but it is asking activists to take a big risk in pursuit of what evidence suggests would probably be an ineffectual Motlanthe presidency.

It is far better, in this view, to stick with the ineffectual devil the ANC knows and surround him with handlers, policy wonks and fiscal conservatives. Given his age and hands-off style, Zuma might even be persuaded to perform an increasingly ceremonial role from his attractive new residence in Nkandla.

Selective quotations

Ramaphosa’s admirers claim he would bring certain capabilities to the ANC deputy presidency. He is an institution builder. He is as little intimidated by Julius Malema today as he was by Peter Mokaba and Winnie Madikizela-Mandela in the past. He would champion non-racialism and constitutional government. Working with Mantashe, he might restore some discipline to the ANC and modernise its membership and electoral systems.

Ramaphosa’s prospects could easily be dashed. The apparently orchestrated campaign to discredit him with selective quotations from Lonmin emails might yet bite. Motlanthe could return to the fold, although there is ebbing enthusiasm for this prospect in the Zuma camp.

Can a fat cat win? Ramaphosa has always believed that education, the arts, vintage wine and fast cars should not be reserved for the rich or middle-class whites. As a union leader he always flew first class. He also insisted that his regional negotiators, some of whom had never been inside a hotel before, should stay in the same luxury hotels as their management counterparts.

It is certainly troubling to be rich when there are so many poor people in society. But the ANC is squaring this circle in the same way that wealthy Christians believers have always been, by treating wealth as a sign of grace. If you are rich you are in favour – either with God or Luthuli House. Ramaphosa’s rise is far from certain, but his wealth alone is unlikely to impede it.

Anthony Butler teaches politics at the University of Cape Town and is the author of Cyril Ramaphosa (Jacana)

Ramaphosa’s chances at Mangaung (from 2012)

ANC needs lead­ers who un­der­stand busi­ness

Business Day, 26 Oct 2012, An­thony But­ler

CYRIL Ramaphosa has come un­der fire from many direc­tions since the Marikana mas­sacre. For­mer and cur­rent lead­ers of the African Na­tional Congress (ANC) Youth League have con­demned him for fail­ing to pro­tect the in­ter­ests of work­ers. Such at­tacks be­gan when Ramaphosa chaired dis­ci­plinary pro­ceed­ings against Julius Malema that re­sulted in his ex­pul­sion from the ANC. An­i­mos­ity was fu­elled by Ramaphosa’s emer­gence as a po­ten­tial ANC deputy pres­i­dent on Ja­cob Zuma’s Man­gaung slate, a de­vel­op­ment that threat­ened to de­rail the league’s cam­paign for Kgalema Motlanthe and Tokyo Sexwale to seize the ANC’s most se­nior of­fices.

Ad­vo­cate Dali Mpofu claimed at the Far­lam com­mis­sion of in­quiry into Marikana ear­lier this week that Ramaphosa has been at the heart of a “toxic col­lu­sion” be­tween the state and busi­ness. Scep­tics have ob­served that the e-mail cor­re­spon­dence that Mpofu flour­ished in sup­port of this claim does not, on the face of it, in­di­cate such col­lu­sion. In­stead, it sug­gests Ramaphosa was pre­oc­cu­pied with the an­tiu­nion vi­o­lence and killings that had al­ready oc­curred at the mine, and that he was will­ing to use his re­la­tion­ships with union and gov­ern­ment lead­ers to ad­vance a res­o­lu­tion.

Mpofu seemed to dis­cern some sin­is­ter mean­ing in the phrase “con­comi­tant ac­tion”. (It is pos­si­ble he con­fused it with “ter­mi­na­tion with ex­treme prej­u­dice”, which he may have heard at the movies.) A dic­tio­nary con­sul­ta­tion sug­gests that the word “con­comi­tant” sim­ply means some­thing that hap­pens at the same time as some other thing, while be­ing in some way con­nected with it.

The lawyer’s cred­i­bil­ity was al­ready ques­tion­able as a re­sult of his in­volve­ment in the change fac­tion in the ANC and his work as Malema’s le­gal rep­re­sen­ta­tive. His per­sonal hos­til­ity to Ramaphosa ap­par­ently dates back more than 20 years to the union leader’s par­tic­i­pa­tion in the Man­dela Cri­sis Com­mit­tee that tried to rein in the ex­cesses of Mpofu’s then lover, Win­nie Man­dela.

Mpofu’s in­ter­ven­tion may have re­minded some older ANC ac­tivists that Ramaphosa stead­fastly faces down bul­lies such as Malema rather than, like Sexwale and Motlanthe, ac­com­mo­dat­ing them.

Un­for­tu­nately for Ramaphosa, po­ten­tially far more dam­ag­ing claims have now been made: that he has be­come a heart­less cap­i­tal­ist. One prom­i­nent pro­po­nent of this po­si­tion, Adam Habib, is a deputy vice-chan­cel­lor at the Univer­sity of Johannesburg who has spo­ken out pas­sion­ately on so­cial is­sues in re­cent years. His moral author­ity in soft left cir­cles is such that many aca­demics at Wits Univer­sity sup­port his quiet cam­paign for their soon-to-be-va­cant vicechan­cel­lor­ship.

Habib re­port­edly de­scribed Ramaphosa ear­lier this week as a per­son who “mean­ing­fully con­trib­uted” to the end of apartheid but is now trapped in a po­si­tion of priv­i­lege and power. It is true that such a criticism (ex­cept for the part about a mean­ing­ful con­tri­bu­tion) could be di­rected at many other South African lead­ers — in­clud­ing Habib him­self, whose own salary pack­age is only marginally less gen­er­ous than Pres­i­dent Ja­cob Zuma’s. But what Habib in­sight­fully ob­serves is that par­tic­i­pa­tion in busi­ness has turned many cel­e­brated strug­gle icons into sym­bols of so­cial division.

If Habib is right, the as­so­ci­a­tion of Ramaphosa with eco­nomic priv­i­lege will make his as­cent to the high­est of­fice in the ANC all but im­pos­si­ble.

The ANC, how­ever, has a col­lec­tive lead­er­ship. The move­ment’s pres­i­dency might be re­served for a man of the peo­ple, such as Zuma or Motlanthe, who en­joys sim­ple plea­sures (al­beit, in the case of Zuma, sim­ple plea­sures that are enor­mously ex­pen­sive). There might be a pref­er­ence for an or­ganic in­tel­lec­tual such as Gwede Man­tashe to oc­cupy the sec­re­tary-gen­eral’s of­fice. But there is also, and per­haps more ur­gently than ever be­fore, a need in the “top six” for a leader such as Sexwale or Ramaphosa who fully un­der­stands the chal­lenges con­fronting South African busi­ness. It is still far from im­pos­si­ble Ramaphosa will emerge in that role at Man­gaung.

 

But­ler teaches pol­i­tics at the Univer­sity of Cape Town.

Marikana (from 2012)

How to turn a mas­sacre into a mere tragedy

Business Day, 14 Sep 2012, An­thony But­ler

IT HAS be­come hard to rec­ol­lect that there was a mas­sacre as well as a tragedy at Marikana. More than 30 min­ers were shot dead by poorly trained and in­ap­pro­pri­ately armed po­lice. Many of the killings ap­pear to have been in cold blood. Su­san Sha­bangu may have been an ex­cel­lent Min­eral Re­sources Min­is­ter. As deputy min­is­ter of safety and se­cu­rity, how­ever, she fa­mously en­joined of­fi­cers to “kill the bas­tards if they threaten you or the community” — the bas­tards, here, be­ing un­con­victed fel­low cit­i­zens sus­pected of crim­i­nal of­fences.

Such state­ments are not con­sis­tent with the con­sti­tu­tional pro­tec­tion of the right to life, or with leg­is­la­tion that gov­erns the con­duct of po­lice of­fi­cers. In the af­ter­math of the Marikana shoot­ings (in which “il­le­gal strik­ers” car­ry­ing “il­le­gal weapons” at an “il­le­gal gath­er­ing” were shot dead) it is not ap­pro­pri­ate for her to re­main in her cur­rent of­fice. Po­lice Min­is­ter Nathi Mthethwa is also in an un­ten­able po­si­tion. The res­ig­na­tion of min­is­ters in such cir­cum­stances is not merely a quaint tradition. It re­moves in­ter­ested par­ties from rel­e­vant po­si­tions of power so that for­mal in­ves­ti­ga­tions have a greater prospect of un­cov­er­ing the truth.

Char­ac­ter­is­ti­cally, Pres­i­dent Ja­cob Zuma has reached for his own time­honoured mech­a­nism of crowd con­trol: the com­mis­sion of in­quiry. The os­ten­si­ble pur­pose of such an in­quiry is to un­der­take a non­par­ti­san in­ves­ti­ga­tion. Com­mis­sions are prop­erly used where cul­pa­ble pub­lic of­fi­cials can pro­tect them­selves from in­ves­ti­ga­tion by sub­orn­ing the very in­sti­tu­tions that might in­ter­ro­gate them. They can also as­sist when in­ves­ti­ga­tions must ex­tend be­yond the term of a sin­gle gov­ern­ment.

Such com­mis­sions, how­ever, can also serve ne­far­i­ous pur­poses. They are for­mally un­der­taken at the be­hest of the head of state and they are there­fore im­bued with an un­earned aura of ob­jec­tiv­ity. Their quasi-ju­di­cial pro­ce­dures bol­ster the cred­i­bil­ity of for­mal po­lice state­ments and de­value the find­ings of in­de­pen­dent ex­perts. Com­mis­sions move slug­gishly, which re­sults in the re­lease of their find­ings only af­ter pub­lic dis­quiet and emo­tion has died down (and lead­er­ship elec­tions have been ne­go­ti­ated). In­volved par­ties can, mean­while, refuse to an­swer le­git­i­mate pub­lic ques­tions about their ac­tions on the grounds that this would pre-empt the in­quiry’s find­ings.

Zuma can now re­tain the ser­vices of trusted min­is­ters in the run-up to Man­gaung. The po­lice es­tab­lish­ment has plenty of time to cover its tracks. And bod­ies such as the South African Hu­man Rights Com­mis­sion can be dis­cour­aged from col­lect­ing ev­i­dence on the grounds that it will pre-empt the for­mal in­quiry.

The min­ing in­dus­try, mean­while, ap­pears to have del­e­gated the man­age­ment of the Marikana fall­out to its po­lit­i­cal al­lies. The mine in­dus­try’s ten­ta­cles are deeply spread in Zuma’s camp. One re­cent top-six slate touted by Zuma sup­port­ers in­cluded four mem­bers (Zuma, Mthethwa, Naledi Pan­dor and Cyril Ramaphosa) who are di­rectly in­volved in Marikana or have close rel­a­tives in the plat­inum busi­ness.

Even the work­ers’ al­leged cham­pi­ons seem hos­tile to the vic­tims. The Na­tional Union of Minework­ers is a tac­ti­cal ally of Zuma and its fad­ing ap­peal has been im­pli­cated in the Marikana killings. The Congress of South African Trade Unions has par­roted gov­ern­ment’s mantra that “now is not the time to go into a de­tailed as­sess­ment or to play the blame game. We must await the find­ings of the com­mis­sion of in­quiry.” A state­ment last week from the tri­par­tite al­liance even com­plained that ef­forts to in­ves­ti­gate gov­ern­ment or union cul­pa­bil­ity were tan­ta­mount to “dele­git­imis­ing” the lib­er­a­tion move­ment.

The terms of ref­er­ence of the com­mis­sion of in­quiry em­power it to in­ves­ti­gate very widely and deeply in­deed into the ori­gins of vi­o­lence on the mines. It will no doubt pro­duce il­lu­mi­nat­ing and im­por­tant so­ci­o­log­i­cal find­ings.

Such an ap­proach, how­ever, will pre­dis­pose it to dis­perse rather than to at­tribute re­spon­si­bil­ity for the killings. If so, and per­haps as in­tended, it will com­plete the trans­for­ma­tion of Marikana from a mas­sacre into sim­ply a tragedy.

But­ler teaches pol­i­tics at the Univer­sity of Cape Town.

Psychoanalysis and governance (from 2012)

Jet size will al­ways be a big is­sue for wizard of id

Business Day, 6 Jul 2012

THE mi­nor­ity of un­pa­tri­otic cit­i­zens who have ques­tioned the pro­posed pur­chase of a R2bn Boe­ing 777 jet for Pres­i­dent Ja­cob Zuma ap­pear to have been led astray by the na­tional news me­dia. First, de­spite me­dia claims, for­mer de­fence min­is­ter Lindiwe Sisulu’s of­fi­cials ap­par­ently ap­plied for Trea­sury ap­proval to de­vi­ate from nor­mal pro­cure­ment prac­tices a whole week be­fore for­mally ac­cept­ing Boe­ing’s gen­er­ous $200m terms. How long do Trea­sury bu­reau­crats need?

Sec­ond, the spec­i­fied price for the plane of $155m (R1,26bn) is a steal. The 12 000km range brings key des­ti­na­tions such as Nkandla within easy reach. The take-off ca­pac­ity of 322 000kg can ac­com­mo­date the African Na­tional Congress (ANC) top six and al­most all of Zuma’s neph­ews. The over­all pack­age in­cludes a Global Ex­press 600 for Deputy Pres­i­dent Kgalema Mot­lanthe that serves as a re­minder that the pres­i­dent’s air­craft should be big­ger than his deputy’s. Third, the deal gen­er­ously in­cludes “re­con­fig­ur­ing the jet to pres­i­den­tial needs” for just an­other $80m.

Some com­men­ta­tors sug­gest it might best rep­re­sent Zuma’s pres­i­dency if it makes “a lot of noise without ever get­ting off the ground”. Oth­ers claim it might veer re­lent­lessly to the right, de­spite tri­par­tite al­liance copi­lots’ ef­forts to pull their “joy-stick” to the left.

In re­al­ity, the mod­i­fi­ca­tions prob­a­bly amount to lit­tle more than a mod­est cat­tle kraal fa­cil­ity and ad­di­tional fuel tanks so pres­i­den­tial ad­vis­ers can fly direct to Dis­ney­land with their fam­i­lies.

Costly dy­namic sta­bilis­ers may be re­quired to neu­tralise lon­gi­tu­di­nal in­sta­bil­ity when the ANC sec­re­tary-gen­eral hur­ries to­wards the rest-rooms. Aerial gy­ro­scopes will be needed to pre­vent Pro­gres­sive Busi­ness Move­ment head Re­nier Schoe­man from send­ing the air­craft into a “spi­ral di­ver­gence” or “Dutch roll” that could cause it to wag its po­lit­i­cal tail from left to right.

Ob­sessed with their anti-zuma witch hunt, jour­nal­ists have over­looked the pos­si­bil­ity that the ANC’S “sec­ond tran­si­tion” might be­come a unique “un­con­scious phase” of pub­lic pol­icy in­no­va­tion. The un­con­scious is a realm in which Zuma has emerged defini­tively as a global leader.

The fa­ther of psy­cho­anal­y­sis, Sig­mund Freud, claimed that even hard-up pa­tients ben­e­fit from pay­ing con­sul­ta­tion fees. Schooled on ob­so­lete the­o­ries of pub­lic fi­nan­cial man­age­ment, com­men­ta­tors fail to recog­nise the cor­re­spond­ing “ther­a­peu­tic” value for poor cit­i­zens of pay­ing road tolls.

Univer­sity of Ari­zona pro­fes­sor David Gibbs ar­gues that gov­ern­ment bu­reau­cra­cies can func­tion like Freudian minds. They un­know­ingly “re­press” in­for­ma­tion and ideas that might em­bar­rass of­fi­cials. Zuma has taken this insight and built upon it.

Freud, more­over, posited a ra­tio­nal “ego” in ev­ery hu­man psy­che (a tiny Pravin Gord­han for­ever telling hu­man be­ings to stop en­joy­ing them­selves). But the “id”— the un­con­scious home of the plea­sure prin­ci­ple — has been a driv­ing force of Zuma’s pres­i­dency, in­creas­ingly del­ug­ing the fis­cal “no-man” with its he­do­nis­tic de­mands.

We also can­not ig­nore the link­ages that Freud posits be­tween sex­u­al­ity and power. “Mine must be big­ger than yours” is an un­spo­ken im­per­a­tive in pres­i­den­tial jet­liner pro­cure­ment.

The im­por­tance of Freudian anal­y­sis be­came clear in SA in the late 1990s, when econ­omy clus­ter min­is­ter Alec Er­win be­gan his cam­paign for erot­i­cally charged in­fra­struc­ture in­vest­ment. Pro­pos­als for large hol­low ob­jects such as sci­ence park ware­houses, iron-ore smelters and nu­clear re­ac­tors, are, if Freudi­ans are to be be­lieved, as­so­ci­ated with fe­male gen­i­talia. Rock­ets, min­is­te­rial cars and other en­gorged or elon­gated ob­jects are linked to male re­pro­duc­tive or­gans and per­haps as­so­ci­ated sex­ual patholo­gies.

Freudian trends came to a head, so to speak, in re­cent years when for­mer trans­port min­is­ter Sbu Nde­bele made high-speed rail a part of na­tional trans­port pol­icy. By fir­ing Nde­bele a cou­ple of weeks ago, Zuma sac­ri­ficed his one-time dream of bul­let-shaped trains re­peat­edly en­ter­ing and leav­ing tun­nels. Surely we can let him keep his big jet?

 

Butler teaches public policy at UCT

Zuma’s trousers (from 2012)

Trousers of Zuma must be de­clared a Key Point

Business Day, 25 May, 2012

 An­thony But­ler

 

FOR­MER pres­i­dent Thabo Mbeki once com­plained in­el­e­gantly but with some jus­ti­fi­ca­tion that Euro­peans have con­ceived of Africans as “ram­pant sex­ual beasts … un­able to keep it in our pants”. De­spite this pres­i­den­tial prece­dent, it is dif­fi­cult to be­lieve that Pres­i­dent Ja­cob Zuma was per­son­ally trou­bled by Brett Mur­ray’s depic­tion of him.

Mur­ray’s art­work has now gen­er­ated pro­found re­ac­tions across South African so­ci­ety — but of course it could not have done so sim­ply spon­ta­neously.

How then can we un­der­stand the po­lit­i­cal decision by Zuma’s ad­vis­ers — taken af­ter some days of re­flec­tion — to mo­bilise the deep sen­ti­ments that sur­round con­cep­tions of sex­u­al­ity?

First, Zuma has been un­able to shake off neg­a­tive per­cep­tions about the en­rich­ment of his rel­a­tives, the e-tolling saga, and the lead­er­ship of crime and jus­tice in­sti­tu­tions. The Mur­ray con­tro­versy has pushed these is­sues to the side­lines and po­si­tioned Zuma once again as a vic­tim.

Sec­ond, Zuma’s team has used racial sol­i­dar­ity to trump valid con­cerns about the trib­al­i­sa­tion of the African Na­tional Congress (ANC). Last week Zuma was the head of an in­cum­bent eth­nic fac­tion; to­day he rep­re­sents all Africans in their strug­gle against white de­hu­man­i­sa­tion.

Third, Zuma’s ad­vis­ers are lay­ing down a pat­tern of com­plaint around the pres­i­dent’s “right to privacy”. If Zuma leaves crit­i­cism of his sex­ual be­hav­iour un­chal­lenged, he might be un­able to counter sex-re­lated ex­posés in the days im­me­di­ately be­fore the Man­gaung elec­tive con­fer­ence. Zuma’s team ap­pears es­pe­cially pre­oc­cu­pied with how legally to re­strain the news­pa­per that most promi­nently re­pro­duced the paint­ing.

The ANC has claimed “this dis­taste­ful depic­tion of the pres­i­dent has vi­o­lated his in­di­vid­ual right to dig­nity as con­tained in the con­sti­tu­tion of our coun­try”. Many le­gal com­men­ta­tors ap­pear un­trou­bled by the po­ten­tial im­pli­ca­tions of the right to dig­nity. They in­di­cate that the pres­i­dent is less fully pro­tected by such a right than an or­di­nary man or woman be­cause of his vol­un­tary ex­po­sure to public scru­tiny. Le­gal scholar Conor O’ma­honey, how­ever, has high­lighted con­sti­tu­tional con­fu­sions that can arise where dig­nity is treated both as a prin­ci­ple and as a right.

In most le­gal sys­tems, dig­nity is un­der­stood as a fun­da­men­tal prin­ci­ple that un­der­pins hu­man rights law. Hu­man be­ings pos­sess dig­nity by virtue of their hu­man­ity, and their equal and in­alien­able rights de­rive from this in­her­ent dig­nity.

In the South African con­sti­tu­tion, dig­nity is in­deed un­der­stood in just this way. It is also, how­ever, con­fus­ingly de­scribed on four oc­ca­sions as a right in it­self, and Sec­tion 36 ap­pears to sug­gest that the right to dig­nity can­not be sub­or­di­nated to any other right. Par­lia­ment has al­ready passed an Equal­ity Act that pro­hibits hate speech — so cur­tail­ing the right to free speech — in part it seems to de­fend the right to hu­man dig­nity. It seems pos­si­ble that less gifted judges travers­ing this in­tel­lec­tual mine­field may yet trig­ger un­pre­dictable le­gal ex­plo­sions.

Pop­u­lar af­front at the por­trait has been linked re­peat­edly to Zuma’s po­si­tion as state pres­i­dent. His dig­nity ar­guably em­bod­ies, or at least sym­bol­ises, the dig­nity of other, es­pe­cially black, cit­i­zens. His spokes­men have de­lib­er­ately con­flated the pres­i­dent’s right to dig­nity with the right to dig­nity of the in­di­vid­ual who hap­pens to be pres­i­dent.

A pres­i­dent’s dig­nity is al­ways hard to sep­a­rate from mat­ters of state au­thor­ity. One pri­vate re­ac­tion to Mur­ray’s por­trait was that the pres­i­dent’s trousers should hence­forth be de­clared a strate­gic in­stal­la­tion un­der the 1980 Na­tional Key Points Act. The gar­ment would then be sub­ject to an­nual se­cu­rity com­pli­ance au­dits; pho­to­graphs or draw­ings of the Key Point would be pro­hib­ited; and in­for­ma­tion about “ac­cess and egress” in­ci­dents could be re­vealed by the news me­dia only with the writ­ten per­mis­sion of the min­is­ter of safety and se­cu­rity.

Dig­nity is un­for­tu­nately et­y­mo­log­i­cally as­so­ci­ated with qual­i­ties such as majesty, deco­rum, great­ness, and in­vi­o­la­bil­ity that can eas­ily be con­strued as the in­her­ent at­tributes of ev­ery state pres­i­dent.

 

But­ler teaches pol­i­tics at Univer­sity of Cape Town.

 

Why Santa Cyril will stay on

Yo ho ho! We have once again reached that time of the year when little boys and girls across the land dream about a visit by a fat man in a red suit carrying a sack of shiny presents.
Our brand new Santa has such a tough job. He has to manage the workshop where the toys are made, oversee the elves who do the work, and train the reindeer who pull his sleigh. Finally, he has to deliver millions of gifts to poor boys and girls who will otherwise have nothing. And all this has to be done to near impossible deadlines.
Who is this new Santa in whom the hopes of all the little children reside? Surely not Mark “questionable career move” Barnes, with his Backlog Bag full of yellowing magazines and overdue utility bills? “Don’t worry”, Postman Barnes exclaims. “You can always open this year’s presents next Christmas!”
No, the new Father Christmas is Santa Cyril. But some silly folk say Cyril won’t stay Santa for long. Santa has to be extremely fat but Cyril has been seen walking early in the morning in a so-called fitness regime — something a real Santa would never do.
Some local dwarfs claim he swims too often in the bubbling Chinese waters of Bruma Lake, next to the suburb of Cyrildene that has been named after the new Santa by his Eastern goblin friends.
When Santa stands next to the Keeper of the Empty Holes in the Ground, Gwede “low centre of gravity” Mantashe, ordinary elves complain that Santa Cyril looks too skinny by comparison.
Cyril doesn’t have to worry about Malusi the Load Shedder any longer, but he still has enemies to contend with. “Yo ho ho”, he greeted the banshees Smallanyana and Nomvula last week. “Stop calling me ‘ho’,” they both wailed in return.
The adorable toddlers of the Elf Freedom Front (EFF), Floydinia and “Doc” Mbuyiseni, think their class medals and paper certificates make them wise. They have written with their crayons that Julius has to be Santa because he has increased the EFF’s share of Christmas letters from 8% to 10% in just five years. Doc calculates that “by 2358 we’ll have a majority of the vote” (but then he is a political studies graduate).
Movie and television watchers know that Santa — like Jesus and other superheroes — is actually white. How about Santa Johann then, with his triple chins, witty banter and sack full of title deeds and cigarettes for distribution to the poor?
No, all things considered Santa Cyril is here to stay. He has some excellent helpers, too. The new Keeper of the Golden Chest is Tito, formerly the benevolent dictator of another magical country ultimately destined for collapse.
A previous Keeper of the Golden Chest, Pravin “the good goblin” Gordhan, is evicting the trolls from the workshop’s generator room. “I’m sending the managers to fix the generators themselves,” he insisted last week, which is probably not such a good idea. “Also let’s re-employ members of the rogue unit,” he mystically added, “even though they don’t exist.”
All across the land, the little boys and girls in the “branches” of the mystical movement are busy writing lists of presents with their crayons. All signs are that this “list process” is going as well as can be expected for the new Santa.
There is lots of other good news. In the magical kingdom, paying the elves more money from January 1 will actually make unemployment go down. More roads and houses can now be built with fewer engineers. The National Development McPlan Meal is warming up in the oven. And Vlad the Impaler is selling his nuclear powered vacuum cleaners to Argentina instead.
We should all remember that Santa exists only because the little children believe he does. Nobody can simply drive Santa out of his job — so behave yourselves, little DD and Paul!
If a naughty Santa is appointed in Cyril’s place, the little boys and girls across the land will lose faith. Then the mystical movement that Santa leads will simply vanish into thin air.

• Butler teaches public policy at the University of Cape Town.